My Birthday

This has been a wonderful summer for me. After five years of study I passed a written test and in July I did an oral panel and passed. My studies were to become a Religious Science Practitioner. I do Spiritual guidance using the Laws of Cause and Effects and others, Spiritual Principles,  How life got to be the way it is, Listening, being present to Spirit and my own intuitive nature and affirmative prayer. After passing my panels I was given the honor to officiate my youngest son’s wedding. The wedding it self was magical, beautiful and heart felt. My son’s new in-laws went to great lengths to make sure the wedding was everything a young couple could imagine a wedding can be. Then my next great experience was that I had an opportunity to be videoed for my church. In the video I speak about Oneness and loving what doesn’t fit in your box. If you’ve read my blog you know that I’m speaking about Transgender but it really goes beyond that. It’s recognizing that all people are here by Divine Design and that Love is Love and we are here to Love and respect all beings. And today is my birthday.

When I turned fifty I felt fabulous I was on top of  the world. I had released my job of twenty years, I was spending time with my grandchildren and I was in the beginning stages of my journey to become a Religious Science Practitioner. Life felt so good and I knew it was smooth sailing ahead. I couldn’t have been more wrong. A few months after my fiftieth birthday my beautiful nine year old granddaughter Bella died. My beautiful Bella, she was like me, an August baby, born a leader, strong, stubborn, and so curious. Like me she had a natural happy nature. Yeah, life was tough at times but she’d smile, laugh, tell silly jokes and she loved to sing and dance.  I believe life doesn’t end when the body dies. I believe that who you are as a Soul continues on and I very much believe Bella’s presence is with me. Yet, that doesn’t mean I don’t grieve. I do. I miss her, I wonder what she’d look like at thirteen. I have two other granddaughters and they have changed so much over the past years but Bella seems to stay nine in my mind but I know if she was here she would be different in many ways and at the same time she’d always be my sweet beautiful Bella.

I have other fears well I grieve. Sometimes I worry I might loose one of my other grandchildren or something might happen to my children. Some people believe grieving ends but if it does I’m not sure where. It doesn’t mean I’m not happy because I am but today on my fifty-fourth birthday I’m having some moments of loss and sadness. I have my last birthday presents from Bella and they make me smile and they make me cry.

Then there is that deep happiness and joy I get from my other grandchildren and children. Yesterday my youngest granddaughter who just turned thirteen made me a cake and bought me two huge bags of Reese’s Peanut butter Cups. And my oldest granddaughter who is fifteen made me cookies. Maybe the most beautiful cookies I’ve ever seen. They look like purple roses.

Yes, I grieve but I know that is part of my life and it’s also what makes me love what I have so much. I am blessed to have such a beautiful family but all families have there waves of ups and downs and wins and losses.

It’s my birthday and I am grateful for all that I have. The Joys and the tears.

One Life, One God, One Love

In Divine Love all is Possible

I am grateful

Amen

 

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One thought on “My Birthday

  1. The tears of grief–flowing, growing, knowing. Love you, sister. Thanks for being the gift you are and sharing your vulnerable, trusting, prayerful ❤️.

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